Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
