woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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