i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
