I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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