Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize