Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
