you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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