When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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