Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
