Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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