Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's the barista slut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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