I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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