Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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