i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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