Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize