why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
