I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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