having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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