In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my shit smells like andre
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
