I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
