i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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