babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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