If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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