Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
