goodnight i made you a song goodbye
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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