No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
