i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
