he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Never underestimate the power of titties
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
