we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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