We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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