He disabled his match.com account in front of me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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