I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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