well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
