I feel great
I just peed on a car
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
