Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
