My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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