HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
