oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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