she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
