I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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