This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
