i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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