dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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