I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
