just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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