is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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