...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
