Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
