Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
