Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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