I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
