She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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