you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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