i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
