This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
