he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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