they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
