She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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