I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
