we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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