If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
